I’m writing this from beyond the grave because for the first time in a long while, I am hopeful. You see, when I was murdering my own people by the bucketful, I kind of assumed that someone was going to pick up where I left off, and progress will continue to be made. But NOPE. For some reason, communism became unpopular around the world. That is, until these awesome new millennial kids came around!
Oh sure, these Ortegas, Maduros, and Xi Jinpings may talk a good game, but they’re kind of poseurs, you know? I haven’t once seen them try to get a TERF deplatformed or an Oscar host fired. What I’m saying is that these so called millennial social justice warriors are the best!
Young people, am I right? You worry about whether anything you say is getting through some days, but ohhhh man does this new generation have potential. I mean, I tried to have John Wayne assassinated back in the day, but they take an interview with the man from some rag 40 years ago and destroy his legacy without firing a shot. These kids are natural killers!
But let’s face facts. One day they will have to grow up, round up and execute their enemies en masse. They just can’t do that with a hashtag. I’m only being hard on them because I love them and they show so much promise!
We haven’t had a leader with a good moustache in a while. Who was the last decent moustachioed leader? I’ll give you a hint: It was me! But I bet if Cory Booker put a little effort into it, he could have a fine moustache he could twirl as he sends old school Ghostbusters fans off to the gulags.
Listen up, brave comrades. It’s time to fix the culture, so quit stalin’ 😉 hehe. No. But seriously. Round up the dissidents.