Our regular advice column takes on disgusting, hypocritical vegans
One of my neighbors publicly presents as a vegan and animal rights activist, yet I can clearly see that she keeps chickens in her yard. Though I can’t be positive, I’m pretty sure I saw her collecting eggs early one morning, and there don’t seem to be as many chickens in her yard as there used to be.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not claiming to be perfect. I did laugh at a joke this morning on Twitter which, in retrospect, probably legitimately offended at least a few people. I can’t take that back. But what can I do to deal with my neighbour’s hypocrisy without drawing attention to myself?
Not So Fucking Woke (NSFW)
Let’s begin with recognizing what you’re doing correctly … which is holding your neighbor to standards that even you yourself cannot meet. This is how we should all strive to live. If your neighbor has publicly claimed a lifestyle that she doesn’t privately adhere to, the most effective response is a tried-and-true, good ol’ fashioned public shaming. You can accomplish this without drawing attention to yourself by casually pointing her inconsistencies out to other neighbors—preferably those of superior wokeness—who understand the absolute seriousness of her offence. This will begin a “whisper” campaign against your neighbor. Add to the “shame fuel” by creating an anonymous account on social media, and continue spreading information about your hypocritical, dirtbag neighbor.
It’s even better if you can get her employer’s attention, and hopefully get her fired from her job. You see, in the troubled times we live in, there is really no room for other people to make mistakes. In fact, to make the shame campaign truly successful, you should also talk about behavior that she isn’t guilty of, because it will help rally the mob against her. Tell people you saw her kick a puppy, or overheard her say something racist to your mailman. Think of it as an innocent lie for the greater good. You are a warrior! Once the mob has been firmly mobilized against your neighbor, the tidal waves of shame will rain down on her. She will no longer want to show her face in public, which is the appropriate response to recognizing her diabolical hypocrisy. After some time passes—from months to several years—your neighbor will emerge from her public shaming a new, improved woman. I truly hope this helps.