Dear Ashley is our regular advice column. Social justice brothers and sisters (and otherkin-
I have a growing concern about my dog, and it’s finally become too much to ignore. My dog, Maya (as in Angelou obvs), has been acting increasingly hostile toward other dogs. Not all dogs … just some dogs.
I first noticed it when our new neighbors came by to say hello, and brought along their Scottish terrier. Maya wouldn’t stop barking, and tried to bite the dog. I was shocked! It happened again when I was walking her and she spotted a doberman across the street. She snarled and growled at him, which is completely unlike her. Then today she went absolutely berserk at the dog park when a little poodle wanted to play with her.
So here’s my secret shame, and I can’t keep it to myself any longer: My dog is white, and all the dogs she barks at are dogs of color. I can’t believe it, but my dog is racist. This isn’t who I raised her to be! What do I do?! How can I fix her?! Can she be cured??
Concerned owner of a racist dog in Cincinnati
Dear Concerned in Cincinnati,
First off, you aren’t alone. There are thousands—if not millions—of racist dogs in the United States. Some owners don’t even recognize their dog is racist. You have a superior sense of wokeness, for which I applaud you.
I would advise you to consult with Miss Pippy Plunkett, a dog reeducation expert based in Portland, Oregon. She’s the best in her field, and responsible for hundreds of white dog supremacy transformations.
As Miss Plunkett will tell you, the first step to doggy reparations is to get your dog to acknowledge and apologize for the historical injustices that POC (puppies of color) have endured over the years.
Whether it’s being denied a Puppuccino at Starbucks, or turned away from a swanky boarding facility, puppies of color face many injustices that other puppies will never understand.
Your dog must realize that she can never make up for being white, but that day after day of apologizing can slowly heal the damage caused by her privileged fur. Dog sensitivity training should go a long way in providing your dog with an appropriate amount of guilt, which should eventually change her behavior toward puppies of color … or at least make her very depressed.
If you can make your dog depressed, you’re well on your way to success.
I hope this helps, and I’m truly sorry your dog is such an asshole.